Monday, December 31, 2012


2013 2

2012 was quite a year. My final year at Syracuse, flying across America for interviews, hosting a Valentine's Day party when Peter visited in February, Spring Break in Puerto Ricograduating collegebuilding a craft roomhosting Syracuse in Chicagogoing to Big Bearembarking on an icecream adventuregetting bracesstarting school at Northwestern, Peter surprising me for my birthday and visiting again for Thanksgiving, celebrating the 12 days of Christmas and documenting all of this in a single album.

I thought 2012 was going to be the year of my life. I was figuring out where I would be for the next six years, taking the summer off for the first time to just enjoy not having to do anything, starting a PhD program. However, as many of you know, I decided to take a leave of absence from school for more reasons than I can count on my two hands. It was the hardest and easiest decision to make. I was feeling every possible emotion (besides regret) and I'm still feeling most of those things. I have no idea what I'll be doing since my initial plans for the next year fell through but I'll figure something out. It's scary not knowing what's going to happen because I'm a planner. I have planned everything with plans and backup plans and backup plans incase my first backup plan fails. For everything. And now I have no plan. No plan for something pretty significant (otherwise known as MY LIFE). But it's funny because I've never wanted a predictable life. So this decision is somewhat liberating and I'm not afraid to explore. And ten years later I can look back and laugh at the worries that I had at 23. 

So, 2013 will be yet another scary and exciting year. But I trust that there is something for me. That I was made to do something. And I'll just have to find that something even if it takes time. Taking a leave was right decision, even if I decide to return to the program. So we will see what happens. Although I'm super worried and trying to plan plan plan, there's not really much I can do in terms of controlling what will happen. So I will hope and dream and explore. And I don't want to have to feel bad about that. For the first time, I get to take some time for myself to really figure out what I want and not necessarily what will work or what seems reasonable. And even though it's scary, I know that God is faithful. I am fully aware that He has blessed the 23 years of my life tremendously and I don't believe that He will stop now. I hope that I will be taken to new places and jobs and be provided with new opportunities. Because sometimes doors close and paths lead to dead ends. And that's okay because you learn a zillion things on the way like I did even during my first quarter at school. So here's to another year full of adventures and exploration and failures and successes.

Happy New Year.